In December 2019, I found myself at a significant crossroads in life, burdened by the demands of a thriving career as the CEO of a medical network in Scandinavia. As I toiled relentlessly, I started to entertain dark thoughts, wishing for an illness that would grant me the excuse to step back and breathe. This wasn’t okay, and thankfully, I recognized it before it spiraled further. In what would become an important step towards healing, I reached out to a friend I had been following for years on social media, who seemed to embody the strength and balance I craved. When she recommended therapy, I realized that I needed help—and thus began a journey that would radically transform my life.
## Acknowledging the Need for Help
My first major epiphany came after numerous therapy sessions. It became clear that I was losing myself in the roles I played: the dedicated CEO, the mother, the friend. Each of these roles felt like another piece of clothing in my wardrobe—distinct yet ultimately only part of the whole. Therapy helped me see that while important, these identities did not fully define me. There was a deeper essence, a person beyond the labels I had come to rely on.
Understanding that I was not merely my job, and realizing that my self-worth was separate from my professional achievements was liberating. This significance of separation was underscored throughout my 50 sessions over three years, where I wrestled with emotions and thoughts I had often suppressed.
## The Voice Inside
Another groundbreaking moment occurred when I began to confront the critical voice residing in my head, a voice that I suspect many in our society share. It was during the process of selling a cherished apartment, a place rich with joyful memories of motherhood, that I faced an uncomfortable truth—I didn’t want to enter it anymore. My therapist and I unraveled this reluctance, leading me to recognize that several small mistakes I had made during renovations had birthed a lasting, negative internal narrative.
“This is typical of you,” I would tell myself. “Why didn’t you double-check? You are worthless.” This criticism, which surfaced from nowhere and cloaked my achievements, was a revelation of the unhealthy self-talk I perpetuated. No one in my life had ever spoken to me in that ruthless manner—yet I had done so for years.
## Naming the Emotions
Over the two years focused on therapy, I learned to articulate my feelings more clearly. Often, I arrived at sessions with an overwhelming jumble of emotions, feeling lost in the complexity. Therapy not only provided me with the language to describe those feelings but also illuminated the significance of understanding them. The clarity of recognizing and naming emotions was almost therapeutic in itself.
If I woke up feeling off-kilter, I learned to probe deeper. Was it a stressful email from work? Had I caught a glimpse of my reflection that triggered insecurity? Each instance served as an opportunity to dissect how my emotional responses linked back to my past experiences—transforming instinctual reactions into deliberate choices.
## Challenging Relationships with Women
An unexpected but crucial revelation was my complicated relationship with other women. Examining my judgments and feelings about them revealed a deeper fear—most of my friends mirrored the ambitious, career-centric persona I cultivated, leaving little space for what I deemed as traditional femininity. When I began to appreciate my own femininity and the myriad of possible choices available to women, I found myself embracing and uplifting those around me rather than envying or resenting them.
## Embracing Joy as a Life Goal
Today, I can confidently say that my focus has shifted dramatically. Therapy taught me to prioritize joy above all other ambitions. Each creative endeavor, each role I embody, is now motivated by a desire for fun and fulfillment.
As part of my ongoing journey, I engaged in various forms of growth beyond conventional therapy—workshops, group discussions, and even shamans. This multifaceted approach has enriched my life in ways that sustained talk therapy alone could not, ultimately leading to greater self-acceptance and personal growth.
## Creating a Safe Space for Change
When choosing a therapist, it is crucial to ensure they possess the appropriate qualifications. A medical background adds a layer of safety, particularly when dealing with complex emotional issues. I often recommend leveraging networks or resources dedicated to matching patients with qualified professionals—such as those offered by my friend Vanya’s platform that meticulously screens its therapists.
Importantly, therapy should feel safe, and it’s vital to approach your sessions with honesty and vulnerability—no topics should feel off-limits in this pursuit of healing.
## Conclusion: Embracing the Journey
As I look back on my transformation, I see clearly how the work I’ve undertaken through therapy has guided me toward self-trust, strengthened my relationships, and helped me embrace a more fulfilling life. I stand now, not secretly wishing for a debilitating illness, but rather, celebrating daily moments of joy and the anticipation of all that lies ahead.
It’s my hope that by sharing my experiences, along with the practical guidance I’ve learned, others may feel encouraged to embark on their own journeys. Understanding the power of therapy is a gift I wish everyone could experience, and I firmly believe that each story shared brings us one step closer to a world where mental wellness is prioritized.
